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STEP SIX Improving Our Situational Personality

Borderline Personalities can have little Conscious control. They may not care to perceive reality but their Macho fear searches for love but their loving Cuddles is too small to respond. Their Rabbit may have lots of energy but not to stop and allow thinking Geru to advice them but instead let Crow's fantasy put them into many situations where their large Dragon alter ego spins a web of Spiedie lies and they pursue selfish Raccoon actives that can result in aggressive Coyote chaos.

Situational Personality How we react to situations is affected by Biological, Family, and Cognitive Personalities, but also by how we prepare ourselves and the environment around us to open up opportunities for ourselves and those around us.

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(I) Tune Out Bad Habits that don't work

(A) Free Will The old problem is which came first, the chicken or the egg, the choice or the environment that influenced the choice. It will go on, but after you make the choice to try something different your actions will change the environment and can give you more freedom or take it away. The chaotic cloud of steam that turns and twists like the clouds in the wind, or the waters in the oceans, this chaos of never changing options that we can experiment with and see what works to take us in the direction we want to go, this is what we experiment with. If we do not like the direction we can choose to try something else and see where it leads. We must sail our boats in the ever changing currents of the sea and adjust our sails in the changing winds to get to where we want to go. Free will is acting on our perceptions, feelings, thoughts and plans to change our environment or directions and again acting on our new perceptions, feelings, thoughts and plans to again attempt to sail in a satisfying direction.

(B) Risk We have to risk to try new directions or we are stuck in port and we have no free sailing, little free will, and we do not see, feel, think, or do very many new things. BUT there is a comfort zone, and if we adventure too far from the port without guidance we can easily get lost, overwhelmed, and sink. We want to go beyond the comfort zone, BUT not too far too fast. You have to play it by ear, by heart, BUT mostly by maps, there are a lot of books and wisdom of the ages that help us look for the danger zones, let us know the weather and danger. Don't be too foolish, have fun but don't let it turn into a nightmare. If your anxiety is going up it is not doing so for you to enjoy it but to stop and rethink. Many think being high on substances is fun, but the feeling of high is a warning sign that the brain is faltering. That means your ship is blind, deaf, and not too bright.

(II) Improve Widgets


(1) Ant and Bee: Improve the Sensual,

let nature fill your being. We are from nature, our bodies are made to enjoy nature, we are of the same fabric. When we look out on moving water, or moving clouds they are moving in a mathematical pattern, the same pattern as the alpha wave in our brain that helps us feel peaceful. Nature puts us at ease. Hear the sounds, the patterns, the variety of sounds, what melody do they make. Feel the wind in your face, the warmth of the sun, or the furnace, or the campfire. Let it fill you and give you peace, taste that food or drink, smell its flagrance, like perfume to the mind. Why do women like candle light dinners? The flicker of the candle, the smell of it, it all eases the brain. Combine that with the taste and smell of food as you look out over the harbor and forming clouds and the light chatter of others as you listen to the relaxing music you love. Now that is a dinner to remember. Why? Because it uses all the senses, the brain is alive with the sounds and sights. Next is the emotions, dinner needs the right emotions, and intellectual stimulation, and actions. We will get to those one by one.

(2) Macho: Control Fears

One of the biggest fears we have is from the Ghosts of the past. We often do not recognize them as fears but interpret them as desires. We may feel like shit, so we go out and look for it. Or we feel threatened so we go looking for peace in dangerous situation, like playing with fire. The fire was from past experiences, often as children. Perhaps our fathers told us we would never amount to much because we were not obeying him. So we go out to find some bullies to pick on, or we pick on our own children. We create situations that allow us to express our emotions and may tell our children that they like us will never amount to anything.

(a) Eliminate Fears

The best way to eliminate past fears is to forgive others and yourself in the past. We all do what we think is best for the time and the moment so we or others were just ignorant. We may still be. But we are not doing it on purpose. And if we are doing it on purpose we are still ignorant as to what to do, so forgive. Bad memories, emotions, and thoughts will still linger but don't let them ruin the present or the future. Don't focus and do everything around them. Look at what works now. Look at the present reality and future possibilities. Live in the present and future, not in the past that can't be changed. What works now? Giving and receiving apologies and finding solutions and problem solving now works better.

(b) Adding Predictability Stability

When you have a better understanding of others, what widgets are weak or strong, and you do not ask people to things they are incapable of doing with pleasure and confidence, you get better results. You can begin to better predict what they can and can't do. If the communications between you and them are at ease and pleasant you can better create stable working relationships that are realistic. How do you and others' widgets fit the present demands of the present or future situations. If our expectations are too high we may get demanding and upset when we or they do not meet them. So constantly be assessing if you and others are being realistic to the situation.

(3) Cuddles: Learn to Love

To learn to love another person is rather simple. Clear your mind of bias, forgive ignorance as only knowledge less us know how to change, stop unrealistic expectations, and stop and look at them. Look into their eyes. See what their mother and father seen at their birth. When you are not judgmental and you accept others for who they are at the moment love is natural. How do mothers love their serial killing children, by knowing they were born innocent and are lost. This does not mean you do not take precautions to stay safe. We so easily catch a wild animal, secure them in a cage, and then feed them.

(4) Geru: Learn to Build

Every situation has resources in them. We often overlook them because we have preconceived ideas of what should be there. So clear your mind. Every situation has feelings from the past, clear them also. Every situation brings in us old expectations that frustrate us. Clear them also. Now, as a new alien from Mars to Earth we need to see what is really there. Reassess what we perceive, feel, think, and therefor what we can or can't do, maybe, keep reassessing. Learning to build is to look at where we want to go or do and trying new things to see if they work or are build able. Look for new things, new emotional outcomes, new expectations, new situations, and reassess, and retry, and reassess, and have fun on the way.

(a) ABC's

Remember the acts that we or others do are not a consequence of just others or situations but the old perceptions, old feeling, old beliefs, and old habits we have about others or situations. We need to always be gathering new data, experiencing new feelings, new thoughts and making new habits and skills to fit our new ways of new situations or old ones that use to stump us.

(b) The Ideal

The ideal, or our concepts of it, is ever changing. It is our blue prints. But do they match reality enough to make the transition. It is an adventure. Enjoy it.

(5) Turtle: Patience Building

Patience allows us to stop and observe better, stop and sort out our emotions, stop, think, and plan, and helps us accomplish things correctly. Haste makes waste. Patience is often a conscious decision to slow down, smell the roses, and do things better the first time. Try and make it a habit. Our brains need time and relaxation to operate at optimum and for long stretches of time.

(6) Rabbit: Acting On It

(a) Practice

Practice may not make for perfect but it really helps. The brain has to make all those millions of connections. They say the rule of thumb is 10,000 hours to master something. To get into all the best habits of observation, feelings, thoughts, and habits can take years. As a rule of thumb to rewrite the brain takes about three years. After a head injury, or getting over addictions and the stinking thinking that goes with them, again, about three years. Every month is progress and getting better. In about three years you may find it hard to believe you use to be the other way

(b) Risk

If we do not try new things it is very very hard to change. But just the act of trying new habits is a big step to making them seem easy and part of us. As long as you and others have assessed it is safe and beneficial just go for it. Feel awkward and silly or impossible at first but let the brain absorb and make it routine.


(1) Spiedie: Being Honest

(a) Straight and Narrow

The straight and narrow is the easiest and fastest path to a stable and satisfying life. It is easier to remember simple truths then convoluted lies that are not real and change with our next lies. In other words processing the world once, and realistically is easier then processing things three or four times trying to keep up a fantasy that does not fit the world.

(2) Raccoon: Caring for Others

(b) Networking

An army is not make up of one person. A lot of things take more than one person to accomplish quick and efficiently. Its great to do things alone and to our own hearts content. But don't forget to involve others when needed. If you are fair, sharing, and caring networking can be a plus.

(3) Crow: Being Realistic

Fantasies are fun, creative, and can lead to a lot of new ideas. But pure fantasy gets us no where but to develop the fantasy. All great fantasies are lost to the rest of the world unless you can materialize them. The worst and most destructive fantasies are the ones that blame others or yourself for failures or injuries. We all do what we think is right for the time and moment and are sincere about it, but if it does not work for the situation we are just ignorant. Realistically look at cause and effects, even of our observations, feelings, thoughts, and actions. What can we change in the situation so we do not go in circles. What can change.

(4) Coyote: Being Productive

Anger and frustration leading to bullying is not very productive. It wastes our time and energy, stops us from observing correctly, from feeling the pleasurable motivations, from making plans and changes, and from trying new things. Remember, the ABC's of anger management. The act that others do doesn't cause the consequence of our anger but our beliefs that other should and could meet our expectations and demands does. Since we are wrong about it we feel trapped by our beliefs that can't come true. So we go into fight mode. If we spent our time and energy figuring out how we and others may be observing the wrong things, rehashing old feelings, mulling dead end thoughts, or trying solutions that do not fit us or the situation, we could better use our time changing it all to the betterment of all.


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