I began to write prolifically, my own spelling, I could read my own messed up spelling, I wrote words as I heard them. I did not realize at the time that I was hearing and sounding out words differently than others. That added to my problem of reading others written words, that and I had no short term memory, so if I did not recognize the word I could not remember it, and if I did I could not remember it for long unless I quickly tied it to the next word or two in meaning. My own writing always had meaning, lots and lots of emotion, my link to becoming more then the moment. But I was only eight years old, I did not understand that then, I only understood that I could some times get a thought back by concentrating on an emotion and I could read my own emotional words spelled the way I was hearing. Writing was memory! The written word must of had a huge impact on history, on mankind, it did on me.
I remember going to my father and asking him if I would be able to do things when I grew up, like a career. I do not remember how I worded it but I do remember his exact words. How could I forget them, they brought tears to my eyes, hope to my heart, and I loved him dearly for saying, "You can do anything if you put your mind to it." Anything, oh my gosh, even school work? Even read? Even be as good as other kids? But it was not so easy, I had a lot of road to cover, it would be a long long time, but every time I failed, every time I cried and fell asleep with exhaustion trying to do things, I would fall asleep with his words on my mind and grandma in my heart. And I always woke up wanting to try again. I now had four hero's, my mom who was always near by, my older brother, my grandmother, and my father. How can a kid fail? Well, how could I fail forever and always.
I decided I wanted to be a scientist. Science was logical so easier to remember, it was methodical, how could I fail. But I did, over and over again. But my dad did not put a time limit on being what you want, only that it was possible, failing was ok. Then anxiety creeps in, I still could not understand speech out side of my family. I found a trick that helped, or it found me, my other brother that was only a year older. Such a funny trick it was.
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