It can be a lonely world of handicapped. You have lots of different views from others. You listen to others talk quick and not slow down for you to grasp the word you need. They begin to treat you as if you are not there, or are of lesser importance. When one is handicapped or learning disabled they have to do more thinking to get around it and around the disappointment of others ignoring you. You can not just be bitter because it will eat you up in that lonely world. So you push for better understanding.
You have to push on or be left in the dust. So you try try again, fail fail again but try some more. It is always better then the alternative. That extra thinking can be a blessing, a heightened awareness. It also becomes a tool to help judge others wisdom and ability, if they can not figure out how to be accommodating or even just kind to you then it tells you the level of their wisdom. It also forces you to help them with their handicaps, especially if that handicap is ignorance. The biggest handicaps are the ones who did not have unsung heroes. To see the contrast between heroes and non heroes creates wisdom. And to have your very own heroes, and several is a privilege.
We all have handicaps. Some are more common place obvious and others never recognized. Handicaps teach us what is really important in life. They force us to expand our thinking and realm of understanding of others. One day you notice you have more understanding then them. You now see their handicap of no handicap, of life being to easy for them, no driving force that pushes them to be normal. They do not feel normal either, but they are not aware of their disadvantage and so do not know how to overcome, do not think about it as a handicap to overcome. I did not know what my handicap was yet but it was very evident to me. To everyone else it was my shyness, my aloofness, my lack of pushiness, my patience, my letting them take the spot light. But over the years I would begin to see the short comings in others and think how to help them overcome.
That was about to start. Berry picking, even at a good hourly wage, would not produce enough money to get back to school. I waited anxiously for a reply from the Dean of Women. There lie my largest hope. Money is always handy but I needed a job while at school. Little did I know I would take a big leap when I heard from her, that I would take a job I would never had even tried to get if it was not offered to me. Did I ever mention the anxiety I went through almost daily? Combine anxiety and caring and it can be an ongoing struggle, painful but going forward.
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