I had learned early in life that to ask questions can turn against you unless you ask in all humility and are sensitive to the other persons feeling, and to give them plenty of time to answer. Otherwise people will get defensive and they are much more likely to lie to you or do more harm then good.
So I looked at all the players in the game of keeping the secret as to what had happened that I was blamed and chastised for something I knew nothing about and was not being listened to when I told them I was not involved. There was the ethnographer, the teacher that taught how to go about mapping out situations to better define them and see the patterns. He was an unsung Hero. Yet he was advising me to let it go and not ask questions. I found that counter to his teachings and make up. He was a very honest and fair man. What could intimidate him? Someone with more power. That would be the oldest member of the department and the advisor of the student I suspected. I now suspected her more. But what could she have on me to warrant using her advisor's power to silence me? Lies of course, but what would make her credible?
The other two players, that is who had any say over me, who were on my committee, were my advisor and a math teacher who was always nice to me. I did not really have to worry about others, only their influence on these players and not their direct actions. I knew I had to be very nice and polite to those on my committee. I asked questions but did not push anything. Something had to give, a sign, what could it be. I talked frequently to the ethnographer as I knew he was the one to understand the most. I had to have him on my side. I had learned from the military to find the person who had power but who was sympathetic, objective, and out of the politics of hurting.
I had to wait, wait for a sign.
Comentarios